First, let's take a step back

This site goes live in September 2026. While this 20% commitment represents new energy and focus, it is by no means the first work I have done on myself, or the first experiment I have conducted.

So I want to step back in time to an important experiment. I did not see it as an experiment back then, but it was. I want to share what I noticed, what I did, what happened and what I am reflecting on now.

This one sits within Relationships, although much of it was personal.

The short version

I was subconsciously afraid of performing the first dance at my wedding.

That fear caused me to procrastinate and put off practising with my wife. Once I worked on the beliefs beneath that resistance, the stress disappeared, we started practising and I had an absolute ball dancing at our wedding.

What was happening

A couple of years ago, I married an amazing human. She is someone I am incredibly honoured and privileged to be doing life with.

Leading up to our wedding, I kept putting off learning and practising our wedding dance with her.

It was causing friction. Why had we not started? Why was I not prioritising it? Did I not care about something that mattered to her?

I was not intentionally creating that friction. But when I reflected on what was happening, I recognised the dread I felt about dancing centre stage while our family, friends and people I did not even know watched and judged me.

The fear was mine, and it was real.

The pattern beneath it

When I was younger, I could dance like nobody’s business. But I was usually under the influence of different substances. The confidence was synthetic. It was not a natural confidence I had developed around dancing in public.

That meant there was quite a bit going on for me. Our wedding was rapidly approaching. My resistance was causing stress for me and stress within our relationship.

I was not consciously recognising my behaviour as procrastination. I thought I would simply suck it up on the night. But sucking it up does not make you a good dancer. You need to practise.

What I did

I knew PSYCH-K could help me change the subconscious beliefs producing that stress and resistance.

I did not need to relive trauma or work through years of history. I looked at what was happening in my thoughts and identified what I needed to believe instead.

There were several beliefs involved, but the central belief I internalised was that I enjoyed dancing with my partner in front of our family and friends.

The work took minutes. The shift was immediate. The stress was gone. The resistance was gone.

What changed

We started practising, and we had fun.

At the wedding, I had an absolute ball dancing with my wife in front of our loved ones. It is crystal clear in the wedding video that I am enjoying myself.

The lived result showed me that my response was changeable.

I did not become an expert dancer simply because I changed a belief. I still needed to learn the moves. But I was no longer resisting the practice required to learn them.

My only regret is that I did not do the belief work a year earlier. We could have spent that year enjoying the practice instead of squeezing it into the final few weeks. I might also have had some more polished moves to show off.

Why this matters

I am a confident person. Give me a microphone and I can get up and start speaking in front of almost anyone. Being in front of people was not the problem.

There was something specifically about dancing in front of people that created the stress. Once I changed the belief beneath that reaction, my experience changed immediately.

I have since spoken with other men who have felt similar resistance around their wedding dance.

People get married every day. For someone who does not normally dance, has never taken lessons or has not developed confidence dancing in public, the first dance can be deeply uncomfortable. It does not necessarily need to be.

I know personally because I was one of those guys. If dancing in front of people is a thing for you too, or any part of this resonated, I’d love to hear from you.

The evidence from the time

I originally spoke about this experience in a video after it happened. The original video is included above as part of the historical record of the experiment.

A newer video may accompany this article and explore the experience and what comes next in more detail.

What I am noticing now

We have not really danced since the wedding. To be fair, we now have two children under three. But we are reaching the point where we could organise a date night and go dancing together.

That gives me the next stage of this experiment.

The next stage

I am going to:

  • Develop a belief stack around dancing.
  • Test whether there are any remaining beliefs creating resistance.
  • Balance anything that needs to be changed.
  • Book a date night with my wife within the next two weeks.
  • Go dancing together.

I will report back within the month, even if the result is partial or inconclusive.

Coordinating two babies, finding somewhere to dance and completing the belief work means this is not an immediate test. But it will not remain an open loop.

That is the experiment.